Feb. 9th, 2012

zeccy: (Default)
I am aware that in this age of constant technology; iphones, kindle fire tablets; and laptops- wifi available at practically every known place on earth, and the modern dependency on being constantly plugged in- there is no excuse for me not posting here.

So I'm chalking it up to pure laziness and calling it a day.

But here I feel the need to rant. Because I cannot get this shit off my chest any other way without sounding like a whiny bitch, and if I don't express this I'm going to snap.

Surprisingly, the only thing that I don't have to rant about right now is work, because that at least fucking knows better than to fuck with me. The rest of the world obviously missed the memo.

First thing- and these are not in order of what's pissing me off the most, they're just in order of what comes to mind first- is my roommate. Backstory: I've been friends with this kid for a long fucking time. For some reason, I thought he had grown the fuck up, and would be a good person to live with. So he moves down here, and we sign a lease. Everything is hunky-dory for a while. I get him a job with my company because he's done nothing but sit on his ass and whine about how the world isn't handing everything over to him. He lasts at this job for a grand total of 6 months before they fire him. He then sits, unemployed, at home for several weeks and does nothing but bitch about how dirty the house is.

Sidebar. My other roommate works 3 days a week, but his parents give him money to get whatever he wants. I work 40+ hours a week, manage my own store, and pay all my shit without financial help from anyone. Chad's mom has helped him out almost monthly.

When he bitches about how dirty the house is I almost lost it. As the only fucking person in this house with a full time job, it should not be my responsibility to come home after work and pick up everyone else's mess. I am not a fucking maid. As the only (at the time) UNEMPLOYED roommate, he should have at least done the goddamn dishes instead of expecting me to do them. He FINALLY gets a job as a personal trainer, and has all these delusions about making $600+ a week, and yet he has no networking, has to give 55% of his client profit to the gym he works at, and has no personal clients. He's not a certified nutritionist, and yet he dares to give ME lip and tell me how to buy my groceries? I know how to eat healthy, I just choose not to.

And yet this fucking asshole has the nerve to tell me that "garbage in is garbage out" and then brings home McDonalds every night for dinner?! On top of that, I finally went shopping for groceries, and bought (among other things) some meat from the deli, water, and bagels with cream cheese. I ran out of half a pound of deli meat four days after I bought it. Either I started eating deli meat in my sleep, or Chad's been eating my food. Michael would tell me if he was- but he has his own and there was no reason for him to eat mine. Then today I go to make a bagel and realize that half of my goddamn cream cheese is gone. I asked Michael and he said he hadn't had any, and I bought MINI bagels. I've had 5. There's no way in hell I used half a tub of cream cheese on 5 mini bagels. Chad's been eating my food without permission and it pisses me off.

AND AS I'M WRITING THIS HE JUST KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AND ASKED IF HE COULD EAT MY COOKIES. MY RAGE HAS NO BOUNDS RIGHT NOW.

He's having a "boot camp" this weekend at a local park, and is charging $10 a person. First of all, he doesn't have permission from the park to do this. Second of all, public parks specifically prohibit profitable activities. The only kind of activities that are allowed to be had there that are organized by the public are non-profit activities. I try to tell him this but the moron doesn't fucking listen and at this point, WHATEVER. Let him figure it out. I DON'T CARE.

Second thing. BOYS. FUCKING BOYS. My boyfriend is more of a girl than I am, and does nothing but bitch and moan all the time about how much he misses me and shit. I DON'T CARE. LEAVE ME ALONE. GROW A PAIR OF TESTICLES AND GO KILL A DEER OR SOMETHING. My blinding jealousy still overpowers my rational thinking at times- like tonight. I had a SUPER shitty day today. Shitty enough that I called out of work for the next two days and am going to attempt to say "fuck you" to the world and get better. Today is a day when I feel like a girl. I want someone to cuddle me and tell me it's okay. Boyfriend has been pestering me all goddamn week about having a "Skype date" tonight where we "read each other a chapter from a book that reminds me of our relationship". (Yea. Disgusting.) That's too girly even for me. But I was willing to have the skype date, sans reading, simply because I need a bit of sympathy and my pint of haagen-daas didn't so much as put a dent in my self-pity.

10 o clock rolls around and I get a text from boyfriend saying "I'm going to dubstep night at Rehab". This was my reaction. "............... What about our skype date" to which he responds "you never gave me a straight answer. So I made other plans." In the past, when boyfriend has gone from super-clingy and annoying to brusque and standoffish, it means one of two things. 1. He's hanging out with someone I wouldn't like him to be hanging out with. or 2. He's fucking around with other people.

At this point, I want nothing more than to call up Kyle Harris, and fuck his brains out. Because that is how I deal with this kind of stuff. Unfortunately for me, he's in Tallahassee, and I snipped the ties with any boys of interest in Orlando out of self-preservation for my failing relationship with boyfriend.

Third thing that's pissing me off. Family.

My feelings on my brother and his relationship with my mom are a bit of a testy subject with me. When I lived at home my mother and I fought like angry cats. She was super hard on me and I was a brat, but regardless of my behavior, my mother treated me like she was the Czar of Soviet Russia or some shit. My brother currently lives with my mom, while I got the hell out of dodge and live FAR FAR away. My brother gets away with murder. Examples.

I smoked pot actively for a grand total of 3 weeks. My mom happened to go through my shit, found my stash, and FLUSHED IT DOWN THE FUCKING TOILET while grounding me for the rest of my life, confiscating my phone and computer, and basically declaring I was on lockdown. This was at the same time my brother was a pot addict, smoking EVERY GODDAMN DAY. Even recently, my brother smokes actively at home. He has all the paraphernalia, and keeps drugs in the house on a regular basis. He even had his dealer come to the house to drop some off. Is my brother on lockdown? Did his shit get taken away and his drugs flushed? Nope.

When I would go to my friends house for a few days, my mom would blow up my phone telling me that I needed to come home and take care of my animals and she was going to take them to the pound, etc, etc. My brother has two horridly behaved cats who ruin my mom's belongings, and is gone 99% of the time. She leaves him alone.

When I wasn't in school full time, I worked my ass off at my job. I paid my car insurance and cell phone bills, and paid for my own gas. My brother is taking one class. He works 2 days a week. He hasn't paid my mom for his bills since November. He takes her credit card and buys groceries and gas, cigarettes, and shit for his diet.

AND SHE LETS IT HAPPEN.

She borrows money from me to last between paychecks, and owes me close to $500 at the moment, and yet I still pay my bills to her.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!

I tried to bring it up with her and she brushes it off every time. "Your grandparents spoiled you. Your brother doesn't have that." I'm so sick of everything.

Is it too much to ask that the world just leave me alone and let me worry about my own problems? Is it too much to ask that I only have to worry about pleasing ONE goddamn person- myself?!

Fuck everyone (except Z because she understands me). I can't wait until this weekend because I think we both need some goddamn R&R.

STOP THE WORLD I WANT TO GET OFF.

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zeccy

April 2012

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